trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
