So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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