is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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