Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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