I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
