someone threw a dead crab at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
