I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
