She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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