if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
