these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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