i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
