i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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