She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
