That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
