You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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