im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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