OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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