he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
