six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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