Do you still have your period?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
