im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
