I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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