I want to stick my p in your. b.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
