sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
