i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
