By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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