I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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