ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
