I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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