it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
