6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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