We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
