dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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