Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
