Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just high enough for therapy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
