I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
