last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
