ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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