Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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