I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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