last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
