Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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