just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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