You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
