I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
