she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
