I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
