Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
