two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
