I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
